I went to my garage to bring something into the house tonight and discovered that my key didn’t fit in the lock as well as it had done This morning. When I found out that my wife had the same issue earlier in the day, we realized that someone must have tried to use a key they found in our garbage to open the door. This thought disgusted me a little and the image started to fester in my mind as I wrote a note to put on the garage door. I thought to myself, “Self, perhaps it was just a diehard fan wanting a little memorabilia and not a parasite living of the scraps of a wasteful society.” Then I read the sign I had put on the door, “If you’ve tried to open this door with a key that you found in my trash, they were there for a reason; they won’t open this door, dumbass!” When all was said and done and I had finished insulting a possible fan, I realized two things: My fans aren’t that diehard (yet) and society is raising human vultures. There’s my soapbox for the day.